Monday, May 12, 2003

dammit, i accidentally erased the "i have a fine ass" post. i do have a fine ass.

repost (i really did accidently delete it):
so this girl was staring at my ass in the elevator today...
there are shiny doors in there, and i was standing there trying to avert my eyes from everybody else's (i'm shy--heh) and minding my own business. they say (whoever "they" are, i agree with them completely), you can tell when people are looking at you--you feel their energy or some shit, and if you look around, you more than likely will see someone looking at you, whether they be checking you out or staring at the piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

so there i was, standing there (averting my eyes) when i felt that someone-is-looking-right-at-you feeling, so i look at the doors in front of me to try to see in the reflection who it might be--lo and behold, this girl's had her head cocked slightly to her left (does that mean in reverie or in analysis?) and her eyes aimed squarely at my ass. i furrowed my brow and slightly smirked right as she looked up to see me watching her, then she quickly looked at one of the news articles posted in the elevator. BUSTED!

i walked to my desk, smug in my fine-ass-having glory (maybe it was the paper jeans?) only to realizewhen i sat down that i had a t-mobile brochure in my back pocket.

what's the point? it's not that i don't have a fine ass. i do. it's just that now this girl is going to feel awkward because she thinks that i think she was staring at my ass (she was), when she was probably just puzzled at what i had in my back pocket (i'm giving her the benefit of the doubt). so what the hell am i supposed to do now?

me: "hey, hi... yeah, um, i know you weren't staring at my ass the other day in the elevator because you think it's fine, or maybe you were, i don't know, i just realize that i had something in my pocket and maybe you were looking at that instead, but in any case, i don't mind, really, you can stare at my ass any day--oh shoot, that came out wrong... uh..."
her: "what are you TALKING about? i'm going to human resources!"
me: "oh, uh..,"

maybe i'll just shut up.