Saturday, March 01, 2003

what the hell?
i had an audition today for this thing on bmx/skateboard/snowboard(ers/ing). it was really strange, i felt like some sort of investigative reporter--this isn't really my sort of thing, you see. suddenly "what do i wear" and "what is my story/what is my schtick" became something i was concerned about _for_money._
reality tv shows are they way they are because the contestants are so media-savvy. they know what people are looking for, and they bring it. in buckets. i was hyper-aware of this and feeling dirty all at the same time:
"hmmm...i should wave my arms more, be more animated. they're expecting the whole x-games thing...jeez, why am i wearing this red t-shirt? look at the monitor, the color is bleeding everywhere--who the hell is lighting this thing anyway--remember to drop names and knowledge...maybe i shouldn't be making this drug analogy... what the hell am i talking about...i'm like spud in trainspotting, too much caffeine..." and so on and so forth.